Transformation

As salaamu alaikum,
It has been a while since my last post, we have transitioned from spring into summer and much has changed, both personally and worldwide. Transformation. I am experience transformation on many levels and it is not always easy.
I feel that I am struggling with identity, which is weird, because what I am really struggling with is not just identity, which on the surface is a construct, but what is underneath identity--essence--somehow I am struggling with what is my true essence--my core which is at the bottom of identity--essence is the core of all composite identities--because we all have several identities--so essence is more pure and distilled than identity, identity can be shifted, changed, faked--but essence cannot. Additionally, it is not accurate for me to say that I am waging a struggle with my essence, my true self--I am not. But rather, the struggle is going on and I feel that I am an active observer in it. It feels that my core or essence is growing to overtake my identities, and it is important to note that I feel my essence is benevolent, it is good, and comes from Allah (SWT) . He is An-Nafi- The Creator of Good. I know that my essence is pushing me toward good because it calls on me to do things like Salaat, read Qur'an, contemplate His 99 Names, surround my environment with Islamic art and calligraphy, show love and mercy to all, listen to Islamic lectures and Qaris reciting (Youtube has many to choose from!), read up on biographies of the Companions, and the life of Muhammad saw. Ya Allah sometimes it is overwhelming. Does anybody get what I am saying? Any comments, suggestions, insights. I welcome them all.

Cosmology

Cosmology 

When I feel insignificant in the universe,

just remind me of subatomic particles.

Then I will remember that I come from

leftover star material, this memory survives.

During some great dispersion in the sky,

Traveling through layers of galactic dust,

Column after column, through lightness

 through darkness, I fell from the heavens.

Light years, time warps, worm holes. This is

a timeless memory that lasts mere seconds.

I remember riding a comet and grabbing

pieces of glowing light, holding a halo

between my astral thumb and forefinger,

I am remembering celestial fireworks.

Among starry diamonds and dazzling light.

Earth’s blue veil beckons me to breathe.

This memory unfolds whenever I dream;

this dream holds me deeply, and steals my breath.